Reading Details

Portfolio work:

4/16: started cover letter draft - 30 min.

4/17: finished cover letter draft - 60 min.

Lisa See, Snow Flower and the Secret Fan

4/15: 20 min., 4/16: 30 min., 4/17: 15 min.

Total: 155 min.

My Desires

If I were to have obtain only one thing, I 'd choose happiness. My own happiness. Content with myself and my surroundings. I haven't really learned how to control my emotions and opinions about myself. Like everybody else, I do have flaws and things about myself that I would change if I were able to without hesitation. However, I've realized that no matter how diligently I try to please my family, their criticism must always find a way to bite me from behind. I must learn how to accept all of my flaws.. instead of consistently comparing myself to my family's standards of beauty and perfection. I will never be smart enough, have beautiful complexion, be skinny enough, or respectful enough. And you know what? I understand that. It's ok. That is what my family might think, but I will rise above it. I will be the best version of myself. And if they are blind to see that, then at least I will have happiness within me.

Well, Tambu from Nervous Conditions is definitely an obvious character whom we studied this year who desperately craved for an education. She yearned for a chance to prove her family wrong, which she was able to do. Tambu really did not care about the obstacles which obstructed her path to success. She prioritized education so greatly that she neglected her mother's sickness as well as her family back in the homestead. Being so strong-willed, she starts growing her own crops originally which was against her father's wishes. Another character we've met is Nyasha, also from Nervous Conditions. She hopelessly wishes to fit in with the society as well as satisfy both of her parents. She risks her health and her life in order to be skeletal and underweight. She believes that this will allow her to fit in and fill the void that keeps her from fitting in with her peers. Nyasha's bulimia and anorexia in the far end result in her being in a critical state - not just physically, but also mentally.

Because I went to the reading discussion lunch, I am skipping the first blog post of this week. I went to the "Crank" book discussion. I also went to the Writing Center this week. Kiddie helped me acknowledge some errors in my research paper. This took about 20 minutes.
Reading details:
Lisa See, Snow Flower and the Secret Fan
4/8: 10 min., 4/9: 15 min., 4/10: 30 min., 4/11: 30 min., 4/12: 30 min. 4/13: 60 min.
Total: 175 min.

Common ft. John Legend – The Believer

Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cZbmwaqF6yc

Lyrics: http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/common/thebeliever.html

Personification is expressed using Common’s verse, “I walk where money talks and love stutters,” Money and love are inanimate objects and therefore cannot talk or stutter. The usage of personification, in my opinion, changes the tone of the poem, going from statements to unrealistic situations to represent how wealth and status replace love and affection in the world. I also came across a simile: “Real talking, in they ear like a Walkman,” This is used to refer back to a previous line, “Is it what we talking, we really ain’t walking.” He cleverly uses imagery, as well, to describe the faults of the people of society, how we are all able to claim what we are and what we will do, but showing that we really are not as acclaimed as we argue ourselves to be. This leads to a deep thinking of the real side of our country.

Common’s second verse includes a metaphor (I think?): “We go from being oppressors to Oprah” saying that the murderers and hustlers are now praised and honored as Oprah is today. Allusions towards Martin Luther King Jr. and Barack Obama are evident, too. “From one King’s dream he was able to Barack us” refers to the “I Have a Dream” speech, declares that without Martin Luther King Jr.’s dream, Barack Obama would not have been able to be our president. I think this is a very straightforward statement and is used to shock us listeners, as truth usually shocks our society having been so blinded by the media. And throughout the whole song, rhyming and repetition of words are evident, but I don’t think I will include those since there are quite a good bit of them.

After reading the blog prompt for this week, I knew without hesitation that I had to turn to Common and his brilliant faculty of poetry. (See what I did there?) I must admit, the process of finding a school appropriate song was a bit difficult. But after having found the perfect one, analyzing it wasn’t as challenging as I imagined it to be. The process was not too horrific. However, I probably am off on almost everything, and I apologize for my mistakes. I love this song, and I hope it inspires you all.

Reading Response

Lisa See, Snow Flower and the Secret Fan
3/1: 30 min., 3/6: 132 min.
Total: 162 min.

For my historical fiction novel, I chose Snow Flower and the Secret Fan for World History. I actually wanted to read Memoirs of a Geisha instead, as I’ve seen the movie, but it’s way more 350 pages, and I probably would not have been able to finish in time. Surprisingly, I’ve grown to be really fond of this book. It centers on footbinding in ancient China and takes place during the Daoguang dynasty. I’ve always been fascinated with the footbinding process after briefly studying it in World History. The narrator of the story is Lily, an obedient and disciplined daughter who is willing to do anything for her mother’s love and attention. Her distinctive feet are considered to be so rare and pristine that it allows her to have the smallest feet (only 7 cm – the size of a thumb) which has been her ultimate goal in order to obtain her mother’s acceptance.

It is astounding how having the smallest feet can improve social standing. It must have been so depressing to have bound feet at the age of five, not being able to run around and play. These girls were so young, yet they had all already been matched husbands by matchmakers and knew SO much about their duties and their purpose. They were not permitted to leave the women’s chamber or ever see the world changing in the outside realms. They were physically unable to anyway, as it was awfully painful to walk on one toe. I also can’t imagine being so powerless as a woman. Men ruled their lives and everything in it. “When a girl, obey your father. When a wife, obey your husband. When a widow, obey your son,” (24). As I was reading, I pictured myself as a woman of this era. Having unbound feet, I would have been a slave or a maid, bringing dishonor to my family. I guess no matter which era I live in, I’ll have a long way to go if I want to make my family proud. 

Lengthy Revisions

Here I am, at two in the morning, eating a mango, and unable to sleep. I am debating which of my papers I will revise for my portfolio. For the past hour, I have been examining each one of my papers as well as the comments attached to every one of them. Honestly, I was considering to revise them all, but of course, I'm not entitled to do that. I barely have enough time to sleep, let alone time to revise three papers! Also, it is unquestionable that Dr. deGravelles would be unwilling to grade two extra papers along with the fifty (or so?) papers she must already grade. 

And so, I narrowed it down to my research paper. I must say, this paper, by far, has been the most pleasurable to write. However, during the time when I was writing it, feelings of anxiety and stress overwhelmed me. I felt as if the annotated bibliography was absolutely dragged out, but as we got to the actual paper itself, the day the paper was assigned and the due date was incredibly too close to each other! So many assignments and other hodgepodges had been due that week. Thus, my completed product did not come out the way I expected it to. 

I will focus on organization and a further development of ideas for my revision. Although my paper is pretty lengthy, the specific word to describe the organization of my paper would be... jambalaya. It's all intermixed and jumbled all over the place. I'd correct the places where paragraph breaks are needed. And as far as my development, there are certainly many places where I need to provide additional information. I know for certain that I do not have enough information on the discrimination that exists in my paper. And for that, I'd have to further analyze and research my information - whether it comes from the internet or from my interview. I do want to include more of the adaptations which stemmed from the migration. I included some in my presentation, which I had not in my paper. Also, if I have enough time, I might interview another person as well. I had initially been looking forward to interviewing Mr. Hoang, as he had accepted my request in interviewing him prior to writing my paper. However, I did not have the time allotted to squeeze in an interview. 

Plagiarism in 'Seeds of Hope' + reading times

As I finished reading this piece on Jane Goodall's plagiarism in her new book, I seriously thought, "Is it really too demanding to cite and paraphrase?" It opened my eyes. Of course, I knew that authors collect information from different sources. However, unlike Jane Goodall, they blend and integrate everything together by paraphrasing, directly quoting, and citing all of their borrowed material. I was not aware prior to reading this article that even highly-acclaimed authors commit plagiarism today. Today! Where every school across the country educates their students about plagiarism and infringe them from doing so. In a present-day society where plagiarism is so disapproved, how are you going to do the complete opposite of what is outlined to be honorable and valid? Really.

Something else that irks me is Jane Goodall's manipulation of the borrowed text. Not only did she not paraphrase, but she made up inaccurate quotes. Because of this, it caused one person to lose his job. I'm confused if the person was her editor or co-writer, but if not, I feel remorseful for the innocent man. Plagiarism is extremely severe, especially in our world today. Why would Jane Goodall, before publishing her book, not look over her book? Paraphrasing and citing works taught in school is really advantageous for situations such as this. I guess Jane Goodall and her team did not acknowledge the circumstances for their behavior. What they should have done was paraphrase, quote correctly, and add a bibliography and works cited list before printing the book.

Reading times:
Davy Rothbart, My Heart is an Idiot
3/19: 10 min., 3/21: 15 min., 3/23: 180 min.
"Jane Goodall's 'Seeds of hope' book contains borrowed..." 3/24: 5 min.
Total: 210 min.

Incorporating Nervous Conditions: Yes or No

Should Nervous Conditions be incorporated in the ninth grade syllabus? Although the majority of the grade dislikes it because it is a tough book to comprehend, I personally think it is valuable to the class to read. The book definitely supports the question that our class has focused on all year. It answers how community and culture shape who we are and how our society is influenced by the surroundings and conditions of other societies. Tambu and Babamukuru’s family are prime examples of how culture and community affect the way people think and behave.

Besides the main reason why it should be in the syllabus, I have a few other reasons why it should be read. It educates us on a totally different culture/society than we are accustomed to here. I know many Americans have not been exposed to an entirely different culture before. It is helpful as we grow and mature to remember that not everyone will act/think/look the same because of their heritage and background. We might not understand why certain people will do certain things, but we should all be considerate to what they do since we all come from different ethnic groups consisting of different traditions and customs.

I admit, even though the book is difficult to read, it is advantageous for us. It trains us to become better readers. The book made me reread over and over again certain passages that I could not understand, which were a great deal of passages. I never had to do that often with other books. And I know that as we progress in school, the material that we read will just be more challenging. We might as well use this opportunity to realize that everything will be harder and use that reason to push us into a diligent, hard-working mind frame. 

So yes, I believe Nervous Conditions should be included in the ninth grade syllabus. It is a very good book that demonstrates how much impact and pressure culture and community places on not just one person, but an entire society. Another book that I have read that ties into how community and culture changes us is called Secondhand World by Katherine Min. The book is about Isa: an American-born Korean with two abusive and non-tolerant parents to anything American. Her parents are so completely rigid about the protection of their culture. Isa starts to realize all of their faults, and in turn despises her parents. She becomes extremely corrupted by her American peers and also develops a cultural identity crisis. In the end, she acknowledges her own faults and understands why her parents were so strict on her. She realizes that she should have followed their advice, because now she has to face so many unfortunate difficulties from almost being burned to death by her father’s depression.

Reading Details:

Tsitsi Dangaremba, Nervous Conditions

3/11: Started on Letters from Nyasha – 30 min. (at home)

3/12: Completed Letters from Nyasha – 30 min. (at home)

3/14: Started writing Film Study – 120 min. (at home)

3/14: Read: Matthew Polly, American Shaolin – 30 min.

Total: 210 min.

Starving for Perfection

Although I know many people are sensitive to this topic, as am I, I want to share my story and my concern over this matter. Nyasha's behavior near the end of the book influenced me to pick this subject. Not very many people know, but I've struggled with my weight from the moment I was born up until this summer. It's undeniable that Asians naturally have a small frame and are tremendously tiny. Because I was born underweight, my parents had always force-fed me. I gradually become round and chubby (to their eyes) and for many years, my relatives always reminded me how much fat I had on my body. They always pinched my arms and the flab around my stomach. Compared to my friends at school, I was smaller and scrawny. However, compared to Asians, I understood I was bigger. My parents were always mentioning how much fatter I was than my 24 year-old aunt that weighed 85 lbs (and keep in mind, this is normal for Asians.) I was considered overweight to my family. My mom never stopped telling her friends how many rolls I had and how big my thighs were. It really hurt me as this went on for years. Imagine how you would feel if you were 8 years old and was told by your family that you were overweight. 

Even though I looked skinnier than my peers, my relatives' voices never left my mind. Their comments overwhelmed me for many, many years. At first, I just ignored it. Even though my parents thought I was overweight, they didn't want me to diet. They said it'd mess up my height, as they'd rather me be fat and tall than fat and stubby. Throughout middle school, I had always been so insecure. I did lose all of my baby weight, but it was not significant. As I reached eighth grade, my relatives were still nagging me about how chubby my face and legs were. 

I started to run. I overworked myself. I kept track of how many calories I ate and I ran 5 miles daily. I stayed away from carbs and sugar. One day, I skipped dinner. I woke up the next day and looked in the mirror. I found that my belly looked slimmer. This triggered me, as I started reading online about fasting and quick methods. My parents noticed how I "forgot" to eat, and began to surveillance me during meals. They even force-fed me, too. So then I discovered something else. I had read books before where girls were bulimic. I gave it a try, and soon it became a constant cycle of eating and throwing it all up. I remember trying to scarf it down as fast as possible, so that it wouldn't digest and make me unable to throw it all up. Each time after I threw up, I felt tears streaming down my face and kept telling myself that I've got to be skinny for my family. They expected me to make all A's and be pretty. And to them, pretty meant skinny. That was all I was missing. I just needed to be skinny. I became obsessed with it and transformed into a monster. I let that monster take over every single thing I did.

My family saw that I was losing pounds, but they figured it was from me working out. They said they saw definite toning in my arms and legs and encouraged me to keep going at it. Little did they know, my bulimia was getting worse and worse. It came to the point where I was throwing up blood. I wasn't able to throw up anymore, no matter how many times I tried. It always hurt to eat since my throat was so irritated from my fingers digging against it. I had no choice but to stop. 

I wish I never decided to let bulimia get to me like that. To this day, I face consequences of it. My hair falls out in globs each time I shower. I feel like a cancer patient. I haven't managed to keep the weight off, and I've gained 15 lbs since then. My family still points out my weight straightforwardly, and it still hurts me inside, but I've managed to just let it go in one ear and out of the other. 

I just want to say that weight really does not determine your beauty. Just because models on the magazines look nice, doesn't mean that you need to risk your life and go that far just to be skinny. Pressures to be skinny overrule so many people in our society today. I just wish they would realize that the consequences are not worth it. 

Great Expectations + Reading Details

Reading Details:
Tsitsi Dangaremba, Nervous Conditions

3/1: Read and annotated Chp. 7 + Reading guide - 120 min.

3/4: Read and annotated Chp. 8 + Reading guide - 180 min.

3/6: Read and annotated Chp. 9 + Reading guide - 120 min.

3/8: Read and annotated Chp. 10 + Reading guide - 60 min.

3/9: Completed playlist for B-Layer - 180 min.

Total: 660 min.

I’d like to say that I always behave the same no matter where I am or who I’m with, but I know for certain that nobody in this world is like that. That’s just the way it’s supposed to be. Unfortunately, there are people out there who don’t understand their responsibilities and behave inappropriately at specific places. My parents are huge on respect and reputation, so I’m grateful I got some enlightenment on this topic. At home, with my parents, I’m what you would call your go-to girl. My parents depend on me to clean the house, as they have no other child and they are working most of the time. They also come to me for anything else they need. I’m also required to maintain all A’s and to never be disrespectful to them (although, my mishaps do get out of hand occasionally…) But the most important thing to them is for me to have all A’s and be healthy and to always show them respect.

At school, I will admit I’m a different person. I’m inclined to be my own person, with nobody to keep me from being myself. I’m very carefree, however, with my schoolwork, I am hard on myself because I must be. But my behavior at school is much different than how I am at home, where I don’t really do anything besides homework and clean the house. Each class is different from each other, and expectations and the rules of each teacher differ dramatically. With English class, we all are very open with each other. We can express our ideas without being afraid of criticism. I don’t behave as sternly as I do in Mrs. Roy or Mrs. Sabottke’s classes because the atmosphere is friendly and everybody knows their responsibilities and therefore get work done efficiently. Dr. deGravelles allows us to be who we are and say what we want, which in turn leads me to be myself in her class. Mrs. Sabottke’s class is different. The atmosphere in her class is always tense, mainly because of how she doesn’t allow socializing and certain people in her class purposely find ways to tamper her. However, I know what is expected of me in her class. As long as I keep quiet, pay attention, and do well, she will continue to never need to scold or nag at me. And with Biology, Coach Hawking honestly doesn’t care what you do, as long as you don’t fail. I admire his class in that he doesn’t treat us like babies. However, I feel as if too much pressure is loaded on me from him. Of course, I know what is expected of me in his class. I must always come prepared and be ready to take a pop quiz if there is one. I’m expected to always stay alert and pay attention, because his lectures are basically all that we use as a resource to get the information. He expects us to study each night and leaves no exceptions to ANYTHING. In his class, I’m always quiet and absorb as much as the information as I can. I’m usually very serious in his class because I don’t want to bring forth his attention onto me, as I find him extremely frightening to talk to. I don’t ever want to be the “spoon,” so I just keep to myself and do my best on every single assignment.

Outside of classes, I’m still respectful and hardworking. But I’m not as serious and somber. I love to be friendly and put smiles on everyone, and I always remember to uphold my reputation for my family’s sake. I always keep this quote in my mind: “Don’t do something in private which you wouldn’t do in public.”