Lengthy Revisions

Here I am, at two in the morning, eating a mango, and unable to sleep. I am debating which of my papers I will revise for my portfolio. For the past hour, I have been examining each one of my papers as well as the comments attached to every one of them. Honestly, I was considering to revise them all, but of course, I'm not entitled to do that. I barely have enough time to sleep, let alone time to revise three papers! Also, it is unquestionable that Dr. deGravelles would be unwilling to grade two extra papers along with the fifty (or so?) papers she must already grade. 

And so, I narrowed it down to my research paper. I must say, this paper, by far, has been the most pleasurable to write. However, during the time when I was writing it, feelings of anxiety and stress overwhelmed me. I felt as if the annotated bibliography was absolutely dragged out, but as we got to the actual paper itself, the day the paper was assigned and the due date was incredibly too close to each other! So many assignments and other hodgepodges had been due that week. Thus, my completed product did not come out the way I expected it to. 

I will focus on organization and a further development of ideas for my revision. Although my paper is pretty lengthy, the specific word to describe the organization of my paper would be... jambalaya. It's all intermixed and jumbled all over the place. I'd correct the places where paragraph breaks are needed. And as far as my development, there are certainly many places where I need to provide additional information. I know for certain that I do not have enough information on the discrimination that exists in my paper. And for that, I'd have to further analyze and research my information - whether it comes from the internet or from my interview. I do want to include more of the adaptations which stemmed from the migration. I included some in my presentation, which I had not in my paper. Also, if I have enough time, I might interview another person as well. I had initially been looking forward to interviewing Mr. Hoang, as he had accepted my request in interviewing him prior to writing my paper. However, I did not have the time allotted to squeeze in an interview. 

Plagiarism in 'Seeds of Hope' + reading times

As I finished reading this piece on Jane Goodall's plagiarism in her new book, I seriously thought, "Is it really too demanding to cite and paraphrase?" It opened my eyes. Of course, I knew that authors collect information from different sources. However, unlike Jane Goodall, they blend and integrate everything together by paraphrasing, directly quoting, and citing all of their borrowed material. I was not aware prior to reading this article that even highly-acclaimed authors commit plagiarism today. Today! Where every school across the country educates their students about plagiarism and infringe them from doing so. In a present-day society where plagiarism is so disapproved, how are you going to do the complete opposite of what is outlined to be honorable and valid? Really.

Something else that irks me is Jane Goodall's manipulation of the borrowed text. Not only did she not paraphrase, but she made up inaccurate quotes. Because of this, it caused one person to lose his job. I'm confused if the person was her editor or co-writer, but if not, I feel remorseful for the innocent man. Plagiarism is extremely severe, especially in our world today. Why would Jane Goodall, before publishing her book, not look over her book? Paraphrasing and citing works taught in school is really advantageous for situations such as this. I guess Jane Goodall and her team did not acknowledge the circumstances for their behavior. What they should have done was paraphrase, quote correctly, and add a bibliography and works cited list before printing the book.

Reading times:
Davy Rothbart, My Heart is an Idiot
3/19: 10 min., 3/21: 15 min., 3/23: 180 min.
"Jane Goodall's 'Seeds of hope' book contains borrowed..." 3/24: 5 min.
Total: 210 min.

Incorporating Nervous Conditions: Yes or No

Should Nervous Conditions be incorporated in the ninth grade syllabus? Although the majority of the grade dislikes it because it is a tough book to comprehend, I personally think it is valuable to the class to read. The book definitely supports the question that our class has focused on all year. It answers how community and culture shape who we are and how our society is influenced by the surroundings and conditions of other societies. Tambu and Babamukuru’s family are prime examples of how culture and community affect the way people think and behave.

Besides the main reason why it should be in the syllabus, I have a few other reasons why it should be read. It educates us on a totally different culture/society than we are accustomed to here. I know many Americans have not been exposed to an entirely different culture before. It is helpful as we grow and mature to remember that not everyone will act/think/look the same because of their heritage and background. We might not understand why certain people will do certain things, but we should all be considerate to what they do since we all come from different ethnic groups consisting of different traditions and customs.

I admit, even though the book is difficult to read, it is advantageous for us. It trains us to become better readers. The book made me reread over and over again certain passages that I could not understand, which were a great deal of passages. I never had to do that often with other books. And I know that as we progress in school, the material that we read will just be more challenging. We might as well use this opportunity to realize that everything will be harder and use that reason to push us into a diligent, hard-working mind frame. 

So yes, I believe Nervous Conditions should be included in the ninth grade syllabus. It is a very good book that demonstrates how much impact and pressure culture and community places on not just one person, but an entire society. Another book that I have read that ties into how community and culture changes us is called Secondhand World by Katherine Min. The book is about Isa: an American-born Korean with two abusive and non-tolerant parents to anything American. Her parents are so completely rigid about the protection of their culture. Isa starts to realize all of their faults, and in turn despises her parents. She becomes extremely corrupted by her American peers and also develops a cultural identity crisis. In the end, she acknowledges her own faults and understands why her parents were so strict on her. She realizes that she should have followed their advice, because now she has to face so many unfortunate difficulties from almost being burned to death by her father’s depression.

Reading Details:

Tsitsi Dangaremba, Nervous Conditions

3/11: Started on Letters from Nyasha – 30 min. (at home)

3/12: Completed Letters from Nyasha – 30 min. (at home)

3/14: Started writing Film Study – 120 min. (at home)

3/14: Read: Matthew Polly, American Shaolin – 30 min.

Total: 210 min.

Starving for Perfection

Although I know many people are sensitive to this topic, as am I, I want to share my story and my concern over this matter. Nyasha's behavior near the end of the book influenced me to pick this subject. Not very many people know, but I've struggled with my weight from the moment I was born up until this summer. It's undeniable that Asians naturally have a small frame and are tremendously tiny. Because I was born underweight, my parents had always force-fed me. I gradually become round and chubby (to their eyes) and for many years, my relatives always reminded me how much fat I had on my body. They always pinched my arms and the flab around my stomach. Compared to my friends at school, I was smaller and scrawny. However, compared to Asians, I understood I was bigger. My parents were always mentioning how much fatter I was than my 24 year-old aunt that weighed 85 lbs (and keep in mind, this is normal for Asians.) I was considered overweight to my family. My mom never stopped telling her friends how many rolls I had and how big my thighs were. It really hurt me as this went on for years. Imagine how you would feel if you were 8 years old and was told by your family that you were overweight. 

Even though I looked skinnier than my peers, my relatives' voices never left my mind. Their comments overwhelmed me for many, many years. At first, I just ignored it. Even though my parents thought I was overweight, they didn't want me to diet. They said it'd mess up my height, as they'd rather me be fat and tall than fat and stubby. Throughout middle school, I had always been so insecure. I did lose all of my baby weight, but it was not significant. As I reached eighth grade, my relatives were still nagging me about how chubby my face and legs were. 

I started to run. I overworked myself. I kept track of how many calories I ate and I ran 5 miles daily. I stayed away from carbs and sugar. One day, I skipped dinner. I woke up the next day and looked in the mirror. I found that my belly looked slimmer. This triggered me, as I started reading online about fasting and quick methods. My parents noticed how I "forgot" to eat, and began to surveillance me during meals. They even force-fed me, too. So then I discovered something else. I had read books before where girls were bulimic. I gave it a try, and soon it became a constant cycle of eating and throwing it all up. I remember trying to scarf it down as fast as possible, so that it wouldn't digest and make me unable to throw it all up. Each time after I threw up, I felt tears streaming down my face and kept telling myself that I've got to be skinny for my family. They expected me to make all A's and be pretty. And to them, pretty meant skinny. That was all I was missing. I just needed to be skinny. I became obsessed with it and transformed into a monster. I let that monster take over every single thing I did.

My family saw that I was losing pounds, but they figured it was from me working out. They said they saw definite toning in my arms and legs and encouraged me to keep going at it. Little did they know, my bulimia was getting worse and worse. It came to the point where I was throwing up blood. I wasn't able to throw up anymore, no matter how many times I tried. It always hurt to eat since my throat was so irritated from my fingers digging against it. I had no choice but to stop. 

I wish I never decided to let bulimia get to me like that. To this day, I face consequences of it. My hair falls out in globs each time I shower. I feel like a cancer patient. I haven't managed to keep the weight off, and I've gained 15 lbs since then. My family still points out my weight straightforwardly, and it still hurts me inside, but I've managed to just let it go in one ear and out of the other. 

I just want to say that weight really does not determine your beauty. Just because models on the magazines look nice, doesn't mean that you need to risk your life and go that far just to be skinny. Pressures to be skinny overrule so many people in our society today. I just wish they would realize that the consequences are not worth it. 

Great Expectations + Reading Details

Reading Details:
Tsitsi Dangaremba, Nervous Conditions

3/1: Read and annotated Chp. 7 + Reading guide - 120 min.

3/4: Read and annotated Chp. 8 + Reading guide - 180 min.

3/6: Read and annotated Chp. 9 + Reading guide - 120 min.

3/8: Read and annotated Chp. 10 + Reading guide - 60 min.

3/9: Completed playlist for B-Layer - 180 min.

Total: 660 min.

I’d like to say that I always behave the same no matter where I am or who I’m with, but I know for certain that nobody in this world is like that. That’s just the way it’s supposed to be. Unfortunately, there are people out there who don’t understand their responsibilities and behave inappropriately at specific places. My parents are huge on respect and reputation, so I’m grateful I got some enlightenment on this topic. At home, with my parents, I’m what you would call your go-to girl. My parents depend on me to clean the house, as they have no other child and they are working most of the time. They also come to me for anything else they need. I’m also required to maintain all A’s and to never be disrespectful to them (although, my mishaps do get out of hand occasionally…) But the most important thing to them is for me to have all A’s and be healthy and to always show them respect.

At school, I will admit I’m a different person. I’m inclined to be my own person, with nobody to keep me from being myself. I’m very carefree, however, with my schoolwork, I am hard on myself because I must be. But my behavior at school is much different than how I am at home, where I don’t really do anything besides homework and clean the house. Each class is different from each other, and expectations and the rules of each teacher differ dramatically. With English class, we all are very open with each other. We can express our ideas without being afraid of criticism. I don’t behave as sternly as I do in Mrs. Roy or Mrs. Sabottke’s classes because the atmosphere is friendly and everybody knows their responsibilities and therefore get work done efficiently. Dr. deGravelles allows us to be who we are and say what we want, which in turn leads me to be myself in her class. Mrs. Sabottke’s class is different. The atmosphere in her class is always tense, mainly because of how she doesn’t allow socializing and certain people in her class purposely find ways to tamper her. However, I know what is expected of me in her class. As long as I keep quiet, pay attention, and do well, she will continue to never need to scold or nag at me. And with Biology, Coach Hawking honestly doesn’t care what you do, as long as you don’t fail. I admire his class in that he doesn’t treat us like babies. However, I feel as if too much pressure is loaded on me from him. Of course, I know what is expected of me in his class. I must always come prepared and be ready to take a pop quiz if there is one. I’m expected to always stay alert and pay attention, because his lectures are basically all that we use as a resource to get the information. He expects us to study each night and leaves no exceptions to ANYTHING. In his class, I’m always quiet and absorb as much as the information as I can. I’m usually very serious in his class because I don’t want to bring forth his attention onto me, as I find him extremely frightening to talk to. I don’t ever want to be the “spoon,” so I just keep to myself and do my best on every single assignment.

Outside of classes, I’m still respectful and hardworking. But I’m not as serious and somber. I love to be friendly and put smiles on everyone, and I always remember to uphold my reputation for my family’s sake. I always keep this quote in my mind: “Don’t do something in private which you wouldn’t do in public.”

Nyasha's Declaration

February 25
Today just marks another day in which I have to endure Babamukuru's bull. The fact I have to put up with him and his wife irks me. What's wrong with reading a book? Doesn't it relate to my education? Sigh. They are both so unreasonably strict on me! I mean, I know that I am from the Shona heritage, but I'm a hybrid now. They can't change the fact that I'm more Western. So why do they even bother to make me to follow those pointless customs and rules? I should be studying harder.  Even though I scored the highest on my exams at school, I. need. to. do. better. I just have to! Everything must be perfect. I must be perfect. Everyone says that I am too skinny and that I need to eat more, but I'm really not. I don't need to eat. Eating is not as important as studying. I go to bed hungry and Maiguru never knows. Oh, Maiguru... she suffocates me too much. I need a cig.

March 3
I can't believe Babamukuru! What gives him the right to treat me like this? I'm wounded all over from his abuse. Just watch me, Babamukuru. You threaten to kill me? What if I kill myself first? How would YOU feel when I'm gone? I will do whatever I please. You'll see. Once I finish school, I'm abandoning you and Maiguru both. You both have no significance in my life... you two are only burdens to me. I need to keep my head up and remember what's most important. I need to be perfect. No matter what I do, I can never satisfy myself. Not eating makes me feel in control of my body, the same control of which I do not have due to Babamukuru and Maiguru restraining me from pretty much everything. Speaking of my body... What am I to do with all of these scars? How will everybody think of me? I am worthless.

Reading Details + Evaluation of C-Layer

Reading Details:
Tsitsi Dangaremba, Nervous Conditions

2/25: Read, annotated, and reading guide Chp. 6 – 10 min.

2/26: Read, annotated, and reading guide Chp. 6 - 70 min.

2/27: Playlist – 60 min.

2/28: Playlist – 30 min.

Total: 170 min.

The assignments that I chose are really helping and guiding me, so far. Even though I find annotating a pain in the butt and that comprehension questions on the reading guides require too much work, I chose to do these because I knew for certain that they would be the most helpful to me in understanding the book (and it is shown to be true.) Because C-Layer consists of the easiest assignments, I find that I am able to be more flexible with them. To evaluate myself, I think I'd give myself a pat on the back. I hate annotating and comprehension questions, ah!! But, I stuck with my assignments consistently throughout each chapter and made sure that I answered all of the questions to my full extent of which I am capable of. 

As I progress with the book, I don't think I will stop annotating or doing the reading guides. They are necessary for me to do. The reading guides assist me in that the questions remind me of the significant events in the chapters (which are pretty lengthy) and annotating allows me to read between the lines. I'm also working on the Playlist simultaneously as I finish a chapter. I really enjoy it as I'm never not listening to music in my spare time and pretty useful, however, not as useful as my C-Layer projects. Overall, I'm hoping to stay as focused and consistent through the whole book and stay conscious of the due dates for the assignments.