Nyasha's Declaration

February 25
Today just marks another day in which I have to endure Babamukuru's bull. The fact I have to put up with him and his wife irks me. What's wrong with reading a book? Doesn't it relate to my education? Sigh. They are both so unreasonably strict on me! I mean, I know that I am from the Shona heritage, but I'm a hybrid now. They can't change the fact that I'm more Western. So why do they even bother to make me to follow those pointless customs and rules? I should be studying harder.  Even though I scored the highest on my exams at school, I. need. to. do. better. I just have to! Everything must be perfect. I must be perfect. Everyone says that I am too skinny and that I need to eat more, but I'm really not. I don't need to eat. Eating is not as important as studying. I go to bed hungry and Maiguru never knows. Oh, Maiguru... she suffocates me too much. I need a cig.

March 3
I can't believe Babamukuru! What gives him the right to treat me like this? I'm wounded all over from his abuse. Just watch me, Babamukuru. You threaten to kill me? What if I kill myself first? How would YOU feel when I'm gone? I will do whatever I please. You'll see. Once I finish school, I'm abandoning you and Maiguru both. You both have no significance in my life... you two are only burdens to me. I need to keep my head up and remember what's most important. I need to be perfect. No matter what I do, I can never satisfy myself. Not eating makes me feel in control of my body, the same control of which I do not have due to Babamukuru and Maiguru restraining me from pretty much everything. Speaking of my body... What am I to do with all of these scars? How will everybody think of me? I am worthless.